These days, vampires suck

Thanks, Anne Rice, thanks a lot.  Yep, I blame her for hypnotizing women and gay men with her stupid novels about vampires and making it sooooo couture to be a vampire.

The original badass vampire:

Vlad the Impaler. Now that's a vampire

Not even close to being badass:

Nice eye shadow

Before Anne Rice:

Bela was cool and got chicks

After Anne Rice

Not really interested in chicks

Before Anne Rice:

Uh, yeh, pretty much think the actor WAS a vampire

After Anne Rice:

What the hell is up with the Victorian costumes, man.
And, I'm sorry, can you be a little more femme?

Before Anne Rice:

He scared me

After Anne Rice:

He doesn't

I say bring back dirty, grungy, filthy vampires - the kind that scare the living daylights outta ya - the kind that make you so frightened you don't want to turn the light off - not the kind that turn you on.

Or, the kind that makes you laugh.

My kind of vampire

Not