You wanna be a cracker?

Has this happened to you?

Or this?

Or this?

Well then, apparently, you're not alone, because now there's this:

Just. Wow. How absolutely stupid are you if you cannot do something as simple as crack an egg?

You're not cracking an atom. You're not cracking a skull to perform brain surgery. You're not solving the global warming issue. You're cracking an egg, one of the most delicate and fragile things in the universe - and apparently, this is a huge problem BUT the EZ Cracker is changing lives.

Did I just read what I read? Ashley...you're a chef and you cannot crack an egg? You're a chef? A chef? I'm sorry but what cooking school did you go to, Le Mordon Blue?

Sorry, Dan B., but, "...takes the hassle out of making breakfast!?" give me a break.

Dan: Shit!
SFX: CRACK CRACK CRACK
Dan: Son-of-a-bitch!
SFX: CRACK CRACK CRACK
Dan: Damn it!
Wife: What wrong, punkin?
Dan: Properly breaking eggs is the bain of my existence...
Wife: Oh, honey, that's because you're using a hammer to break them with...

On the EZ Cracker website there are step-by-step instructions on how to use this high-powered tool of technology to convince you to purchase this wonder of the culinary world:

Huh? Easy, right?

Drops into the bowl without the mess of getting
bird embryo all over the counter

And magically the egg becomes perfectly prepared. And from the looks
of the photo they do not have a problem preparing toast and apparently
have mastered the use of eating utensils

Now, I'm not sure about #3 - if these people have a challenge cracking eggs - I would wager that an open flame on a stove would surely befuddle and be a danger to them.

Now, although I do indeed have mastered the elusive skill of cracking an egg, I did however have to order the EZ Falling Off A Log - I just can't seem to get that down - no matter how easy everyone says it is.