Auto-murder-motive

Here's where my mechanic lives. Nice ain't it? It should be - I paid for it.

That's because my car is a total POS (Piece of shit). No, no, no, it is, and I'm OK with that - in fact, I've known this for quite some time now. There isn't a day that goes by I hear something new rattling around under the dash - I think it's under the dash - god knows I've tried to find it/them - and when I can't find them I employ the ol' bang on things until it stops - it usually doesn't work but it sure helps get out some of the daily stress, that's for sure.

One of the most charming things about my car is that it starts just a little over 82% the first time you turn the key. Eventually, it starts. But the first few hundred times it didn't, my heart dropped like my oil pan did one day, but really, you get over it and now it's pretty funny - I laugh, I say, "You piece of shit" under my breath, and go about my day.

Here's how you know your car is a POS:

The bill from the state to renew your license is only 45 bucks because it is so old they waive the emission testing because they know you're going to fail

Your car is the one everyone wants to take when going to a concert downtown and the only parking is on the street

People stop and ask you if you got hurt in the car accident when there wasn't one

The last thing you're worried about are speed cameras because there ain't no way you're going over the limit and if you are - you're endangering yourself

You're praying that, after turning the car off while at the shop it starts for the dude so he can actually fix it

I began to realize that I, my car, had a problem when my band mates refused to drive in it on the freeway - of course, the brakes were down to the numbs, so I really can't blame them - it stopped, there was a lot of metal on metal grinding - but it stopped - of course, that coincided with the brakes completely failing - as I was trying to stop for a red light - in the middle of traffic - but hey, luckily I've seen a lot of chase scenes and used the emergency brake to stop. Yeh, that was exciting.

How bad is my car - I pulled together some examples of cars that were just a bit better than mine.

Better than my car - they're Hillbillies so it's pretty embarrassing

Better than my car - and I don't have to
use my feet to stop. NOW.

Better than my car - except for the poop

Going to the shop, yeh - good times. I now have a tail light out - and the dance between me and the mechanic will begin:

Me: Yeh, I have a tail light out and need it repaired.
Mechanic: No problem, while it's here I'll check out for any other proble...
Me: NOOOO!
Mechanic: Uh...
Me: No, don't worry your little gear head over that - just fix the tail light, thanks....
Mechanic: OK, bu....
Me: Yeh. thanks, pick up later...

You see, there are soooo many other problems with the car - that every single time I bring it in it costs me $400.

Oil change: $400 (That's because the radiator had a hole in it)
Brakes: Well that did cost $400 but if they check anything else it would have been like $800
Replace the battery: $400 (That's because the alignment was so badly out of whack I was steering east when I was driving north - which of course ruined my tires)
Repair the lighter: $400 (Alternator, I don't even know what this does but I hate it so)

So, the last thing I need is the dude putting his greasy nose where it doesn't belong and costing me money that I don't have.

On the bright side, I don't have to worry about scratches, dents, dings, washing it, locking it, (reason being I'm hoping someone steals it), and although I do not have the pride of ownership of an Amish farmer, but it gets me from A to A1 to A2 to A3 to A4 to A5 to B.